.somethingdeeperthenaneedtoremember/remembermorethenyou'dliketoforget.

you Wednesday night drunk el jay rant: what do dyou do when a bunch of preppy peole take over the middle of the dance floor and take pictures and mock the hand movements?

give up?

YOU KICK THEM!

(gawdamn!)

rasputina's tonight!!!!!

wow. i never made the connection that your liver is believed to be the seat of emotion. then drinking really does have that corralation -either in allowing, releasing, or dispelling emotion.

"Part of us believes the new car is better because it lasts longer. But, in fact, that's the worst thing about the new car," he said. "It will stay around to disappoint you, whereas a trip to Europe is over. It evaporates. It has the good sense to go away, and you are left with nothing but a wonderful memory."

mmmm.. the smell of cigarettes on an autumn afternoon.. makes me think about skipping school...

"The standard diet of a meat-eater is blood, flesh, veins, muscles, tendons, cow secretions, hen periods and bee vomit. And once a year during a certain holiday in November, meat-eaters use the hollowed out rectum of a dead bird as a pressure cooker for stuffing. And people think vegans are weird because we eat tofu?"

"Time is changing and so are devotees, they don't have so much time and they live very far," said Gopal Pujari, a priest at the revered Vaishno Devi shrine in India's northern state of Jammu and Kashmir.

"But they have devotion in heart and despite all the constraints, they still remember God in any which way they can."

"you have a picture of life within you, a faith, a challenge, and you were ready for deeds and sufferings and sacrifices, and then you became aware by degrees that the world asked no deeds and no sacrifices of you whatever, and that life is no poem of heroism with heroic parts to play and so on, but a comfortable room where people are quite content with eating and drinking, coffee and knitting, cards and wireless. and whoever wants more and has got it in him- the heroic and the beautiful, and the reverence for the great poets or for the saints- is a fool and a don quixote. good. and it has been just the same for me, my friend. i was a gifted girl. i was meant to live up to a high standard, to expect much of myself and do great things. i could have played a great part. i could have been the wife of a king, the beloved of a revolutionary, the sister of a genius, the mother of a martyr. and life has allowed me just this, to be a courtesan of fairly good taste, and even that has been hard enough. that is how things have gone with me. for a while i was inconsolable and for a long time i put the blame on myself. life, thought i, must in the end be in the right, and if life scorned my beautiful dreams, so i argued, it was my dreams that were stupid and wrong headed. but that did not help me at all. and as i had good eyes and ears and was a little inquisitive too, i took a good look at this so-called life and at my neighbors and acquaintances, fifty or so of them and their destinies, and then i saw you. and i knew that my dreams had been right a thousand times over, just as yours had been. it was life and reality that were wrong."

-herman hesse

I tried again I fell again to find out for myself
It hurts for a life time
Your picture rests there for a lifetime
And for a lifetime I will dream of you
I prepare a mantle inside of my heart
With your photograph to sooth the scars
Unable to be erased unable to be forgotten
As I grow older I will dream

I like to research these things. It's like from Good Omens. Full little birds with empty bellies. it's all Kraft's fault.


From MSN:
Liquid sugar is a problem—but the type of sugar used in the majority of soft drinks may be making things worse. Although the research is controversial, there's evidence that the man-made high fructose corn syrup used in most sodas fails to suppress the production of ghrelin, a hormone made by the stomach that stimulates appetite.

"Unlike carbohydrates containing 100% glucose, such as the starch found in rice, potatoes, bread, and pasta, fructose doesn't seem to trigger the hormones that help you regulate appetite and fat storage," says Peter Havel, PhD, a nutrition researcher at the University of California, Davis. "So the body never gets the message to stop eating." Drink a six-pack of cola—900 calories, or about half of the total calories the average woman would need for a day—and your body feels no fuller than if you'd just swallowed water.

Was ich angefangen habe, muss ich zu Ende führen. Jetzt bin ich schon zu weit gegangen, um noch umzukehren. Ich kann nur weitergehen, was auch daraus werden mag.

To days of inspiration
Playing hookie,
making something out of nothing
The need to express
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad

i'm finally sleeping a bit. If I plan to go to sleep around 8-9 I'll go to bed around 10 and get to sleep around midnight. It the second dream i've had in two weeks. They all have fire in them.

adjusting.

how much do you gamble in the game of life?

i just heard the most beautiful song made by a printer in the background of a phone call. -sigh-

so i'm having a hard time adjusting after a indian summer of drunken madness and debaughtery to sleeping when it's dark instead of waking up. it's been four days so i'm nausious from lack of sleep. gonna try a heavy work out when i get home. feeble attempts. it's only one more day then i can stay stay out and sleep in a wee. -arg-

I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes, and
I certainly haven't been spreading myself around
I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb
But I'm good at being uncomfortable so I can't stop changing all the time

I noticed that my opponent is always on the go, and
Won't go slow so's not to focus and I notice
He'll hitch a ride with any guide as long as they go fast from whence he came
But he's no good at being uncomfortable so he can't stop staying exactly the same

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day
You deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay
I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way and say
I've been getting along for long before you came into the play

I am the baby of the family
It happens so everybody cares
And wears the sheeps' clothes while they chaperone
Curious you're looking down your nose at me while you appease
Courteous to try and help but let me set your mind at ease

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

Do I so worry you
You need to hurry to my side, it's very kind
But it's to no avail
I don't want the bail
I promise you everything will be just fine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

WAKE UP NEO.

I'm the lucky one
Always having fun.
I tie back my hair.

I sit and watch T. V.
I see only me,
Though I look for you there.

Oh, where have you gone?
Were you canceled?
I change to channel 2.
You were the one
Who gave me all my answers.
I changed
So did you.